New Years Eve ..

I look back at New Years Eve. The past New Years Eves that is. How different things have become over the years. When I was younger I looked forward to this night. I knew it meant lots of fun with friends. I would think ahead about the perfect outfit and shoes. Who would be there and who I would go with.

These days the focus of New Years Eve is a family party and whether or not we will have enough snow in time for them to Slide with their cousins that night. To some this may sound boring but to me it has just became a way of life. The little things are less important these days and making the boys smile is on the top of my list. I am not even sure where I would go if I went "out" for New Years Eve these days. I do not think I have gone "out" for New Years Eve in years and years. Def. not since I have been married. we go to a family party in our little town, we eat and talk, and the kids go sliding. I am used to chasing a toddler and watching another child in the window as they slide down the hill hoping they do not take out there cousin at the bottom before she/he has time to move out of the way. This year William is now 4 which means he can join the "sliders" outside and he will be the one I am windown watching this year with no toddler crying to join them outside.

Time sure has flown. I was watching Dylan just a few short years ago while hanging inside with Mason, then Mason moved to the outside boys, and I had William inside. This year they are all old enough to go outside and enjoy the evening with their cousins making memories that will last them a life time. We will bring in another new year all snug in our beds by 10pm... because we know they will NOT be able to stay up until mid night. Pretty sure I will be bringing it in the same way. Who knows what 2013 has in store for us? No one does? I just pray for happiness and health for my family. If we have that to work with. 2013 can be anything we make of it.

Christmas came and went....

Christmas is one of those many occasions that you feel you spend so much time and money preparing for and then it is over in the blink of an eye. We had a good Christmas here . The boys and myself were once again spoiled.
Having children ages 4, 6, and 12 makes christmas much different then 3 years ago when they were 1, 3, and 9. They really seemed to understand and enjoy every aspect of the holidays this year. They seemed to appreciate and love all the gifts they received. No one needed a nap (except me) no one was tired or grouchy (again except me ) However the day was over with the blink of an eye and we were left standing in a pile of bows, paper, legos and army men. Josh took the day after off to help me get the house back together. We managed to get it all put away and the tree and decorations down until next year when we do it all over again.

2013 is only days away. When I was a kid that year sounded so far away. Now here it is among us. I look back at the past 13 years .. which will be how long it has been since i graduated highschool. I had big hopes and dreams, many of them have become realities. Those that have no yet turned out that way. I will vow to try to change over the next year. Being happier, appreciating the little things. Loving unconditionally. Forgiving and forgetting. Becoming the person I am proud of on the inside and out. 2013 will be a year for changes in my life. I am never the sappy blogger.. but I guess today I am.

TURN off the tv. stop looking online, put down the newspaper? ALL advice people have given to one another about how to avoid the horror that struck our country, NEW ENGLAND at that. Really? If we pretend it did not happen it does not ease the pain of the victims families, it does not bring back the victims. Just because we are not in the same town does not mean we can pretend it did not happen and can pretend that a devastating event did not happen in a small town only a few states away. That peoples lives, CHILDRENS lives were taken. The fact that someone would walk into a school with the thought of hurting kids on his mind terrifies me. I am sad for the adults, In my eyes they are heroes. They were not fearing for their own safety they were fearing for the safety of the children. The term innocent victims does not even hit close enough to what these children were? Innocent. Yes. Also, tiny, helpless, carefree. They never thought that getting in the morning and sitting in the same classroom that they have been for months, would end any other way that day then having them home safely with their parents by dinner time. The thought of anything other then that never went through the minds, of the parents or teachers either. Of anyone that sent their child to school that day.

My heart breaks for the victims who lost their lives and for the victims that survived this at of evil. Their lives will forever be changed again. How do you convince a child that they are safe in their school? How do you convince yourself?

As much as I want to honor the victims, seeing this all over the news terrifies me. I fear that there is someone else out there teetering on the bridge of insanity that will see this. Look that at the shooter and see the publicity, the people asking why and the story on every news channel in the nation and so how think they would like to do this as well. To carry on a name for themselves. EVIL. Unfortunately their are others out there who are just as EVIL.

The thought of sending my six year old back to school this morning is frightening. Is anyone safe anymore? We knew the malls, movie theaters, colleges, and high schools have been attacked in the past. ADD 20 innocent first graders to that list and the answer is no. No one is 100% safe anymore.

As the parents and families lay their fallen family members to rest this week. I pray. My heart breaks for them during a season that is suppose to be joyous and full of family and traditions. Christmas will never be the same for them again. I am sitting here 3 states away and I am unsure it will ever be the same for me.

My heart and prayers are with all of those effected by this tragic and senseless act. =(