Monday, December 31, 2012


New Years Eve ..



I look back at New Years Eve. The past New Years Eves that is. How different things have become over the years. When I was younger I looked forward to this night. I knew it meant lots of fun with friends. I would think ahead about the perfect outfit and shoes. Who would be there and who I would go with.

These days the focus of New Years Eve is a family party and whether or not we will have enough snow in time for them to Slide with their cousins that night. To some this may sound boring but to me it has just became a way of life. The little things are less important these days and making the boys smile is on the top of my list. I am not even sure where I would go if I went "out" for New Years Eve these days. I do not think I have gone "out" for New Years Eve in years and years. Def. not since I have been married. we go to a family party in our little town, we eat and talk, and the kids go sliding. I am used to chasing a toddler and watching another child in the window as they slide down the hill hoping they do not take out there cousin at the bottom before she/he has time to move out of the way. This year William is now 4 which means he can join the "sliders" outside and he will be the one I am windown watching this year with no toddler crying to join them outside.

Time sure has flown. I was watching Dylan just a few short years ago while hanging inside with Mason, then Mason moved to the outside boys, and I had William inside. This year they are all old enough to go outside and enjoy the evening with their cousins making memories that will last them a life time. We will bring in another new year all snug in our beds by 10pm... because we know they will NOT be able to stay up until mid night. Pretty sure I will be bringing it in the same way. Who knows what 2013 has in store for us? No one does? I just pray for happiness and health for my family. If we have that to work with. 2013 can be anything we make of it.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Christmas came and went....

Christmas is one of those many occasions that you feel you spend so much time and money preparing for and then it is over in the blink of an eye. We had a good Christmas here . The boys and myself were once again spoiled.
Having children ages 4, 6, and 12 makes christmas much different then 3 years ago when they were 1, 3, and 9. They really seemed to understand and enjoy every aspect of the holidays this year. They seemed to appreciate and love all the gifts they received. No one needed a nap (except me) no one was tired or grouchy (again except me ) However the day was over with the blink of an eye and we were left standing in a pile of bows, paper, legos and army men. Josh took the day after off to help me get the house back together. We managed to get it all put away and the tree and decorations down until next year when we do it all over again.

2013 is only days away. When I was a kid that year sounded so far away. Now here it is among us. I look back at the past 13 years .. which will be how long it has been since i graduated highschool. I had big hopes and dreams, many of them have become realities. Those that have no yet turned out that way. I will vow to try to change over the next year. Being happier, appreciating the little things. Loving unconditionally. Forgiving and forgetting. Becoming the person I am proud of on the inside and out. 2013 will be a year for changes in my life. I am never the sappy blogger.. but I guess today I am.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


TURN off the tv. stop looking online, put down the newspaper? ALL advice people have given to one another about how to avoid the horror that struck our country, NEW ENGLAND at that. Really? If we pretend it did not happen it does not ease the pain of the victims families, it does not bring back the victims. Just because we are not in the same town does not mean we can pretend it did not happen and can pretend that a devastating event did not happen in a small town only a few states away. That peoples lives, CHILDRENS lives were taken. The fact that someone would walk into a school with the thought of hurting kids on his mind terrifies me. I am sad for the adults, In my eyes they are heroes. They were not fearing for their own safety they were fearing for the safety of the children. The term innocent victims does not even hit close enough to what these children were? Innocent. Yes. Also, tiny, helpless, carefree. They never thought that getting in the morning and sitting in the same classroom that they have been for months, would end any other way that day then having them home safely with their parents by dinner time. The thought of anything other then that never went through the minds, of the parents or teachers either. Of anyone that sent their child to school that day.

My heart breaks for the victims who lost their lives and for the victims that survived this at of evil. Their lives will forever be changed again. How do you convince a child that they are safe in their school? How do you convince yourself?

As much as I want to honor the victims, seeing this all over the news terrifies me. I fear that there is someone else out there teetering on the bridge of insanity that will see this. Look that at the shooter and see the publicity, the people asking why and the story on every news channel in the nation and so how think they would like to do this as well. To carry on a name for themselves. EVIL. Unfortunately their are others out there who are just as EVIL.

The thought of sending my six year old back to school this morning is frightening. Is anyone safe anymore? We knew the malls, movie theaters, colleges, and high schools have been attacked in the past. ADD 20 innocent first graders to that list and the answer is no. No one is 100% safe anymore.

As the parents and families lay their fallen family members to rest this week. I pray. My heart breaks for them during a season that is suppose to be joyous and full of family and traditions. Christmas will never be the same for them again. I am sitting here 3 states away and I am unsure it will ever be the same for me.

My heart and prayers are with all of those effected by this tragic and senseless act. =(

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The holiday season is among us....

Well here we are. MY FAV time of year. It is full of busy crazy organized and unorganized chaos. Much like my life. So its the last week of November and my baby is only days a way from turning 4? Eeek where has that time gone. I know it will be an emotional day for me. Much like his birth. I watch him every day with awe and amazement. However I will save that blog for after this birthday when I can update on the event.

Christmas season is here. It immediately follows Thanksgiving and Williams birthday. I am ready for it this year. If anything I have learned lately to appreciate the simple things. To grasp every single day and make the most of it. Dance in the rain. Sing when you do not know the words. Hug those who need a hug and those who do not think they do. Enjoy life. It can change in the biink of an eye. We all myself included spend too much time being petty. Dwelling on little things and stressing over unimportant things.

This season I am going to get all the decorations out. I am going to blast the music on Sunday and set the house up for Christmas. I am going to get the kids involved and spend the next few weeks getting them pyched for Christmas. This of course is assuming they all are able to get themselves off the naughty list... =)

Friday, November 2, 2012

Halloween ends and the "holiday season begins"




I did not get into Halloween this year as much as years in the past. I did not throw a party or really decorate the house that much. It came upon us all too fast this year. I let the boys choose a costume from our costume bin because everything they wanted to be this year we already owned. I let them pick from the bin and then I added pieces as needed. Dylan was up in the air about whether or not 12 year old kids dressed up. i assured him he did but he did not believe me. He found himself sitting, sulking at his grams house at 5pm after a day at school taught him that most of them were dressing up because lets face it. EVERYONE like free candy. His gram came to the rescue and threw him together a last minute costume. Mason was afraid of and and cried. Will decided to nickname Dylan :GORILLA BREATH: all night in the back seat due to the Gorilla costume and perhaps Dylans breath. So you can just imagine what a joy the three of them were stuck in the back seat together. All across one row with Dylan sitting in between the two little ones. Mason crying because Dylan as scarring him, Will complaining of Gorilla breath and Dylan asking for the millionth time why we did not have a third row back seat so he did not have to "deal with them" I assured him that if he got out and walked he would not have to deal with them. He did stop complaining for a few minutes.

I officially call the day after Halloween the HOLIDAY season. The stores that have not already put out Christmas displays will start to do so. A christmas song will be found on the radio every once in awhile while scanning the stations in the car. The kids will start to point while SCREAMING " I WANT THAT FOR CHRISTMAS" during every other toy commercial. =)

I use to be a good mom and grab a pen and jot down all the wants and compile lists with each kids names written across the top of the paper with stars near the ones they wanted most. Honestly now when the yelling starts during a commercial I say. "oh maybe" sometimes with out glancing up. I do however try to take a mental note to google it later and decide if it is really practical or something that will get played with at all. With three boys we have gotten pretty much every
"boy toy" known to man over the years. Some of them are big hits, but some of them make their way into the closet after a week to never be heard from again. Reminds me of toy story. The unwanted sitting on the top shelf waiting to be played with someday. I also am making a mental note to NOT buy gifts that are going to be connected to the box with 4 thousand twisty plastic things that take 4 hours per leg of the super hero to get off. Mean while the child waiting for the gift is jumping up and down at this point with impatience. seriously, I think we spend hours undoing all those little twisty tie things.

All kidding aside I LOVE LOVE LOVE the holidays. My favorite time a year. I plan on completely getting into them this year. =) we do not have a lot of years left with them all being young and loving Christmas. This year the little two are beyond excited for Christmas and the oldest ....well he loves it because he likes us to buy him expensive over prices electronics that he is just going to lose or leave some place anyway =)




Sunday, October 21, 2012

William



Joining the coffee drinkers club...



I have spend the last 2 month trying to LOVE coffee. It is really all you hear about on facebook and such. "No amount coffee could save this day" OR " I need an IV coffee drip" Ect. So I decided I really needed to join the CCDC. AKA COOL COFFEE DRINKERS CLUB. I have really been a major fail at it. I have tried MANY kinds and can even pull off the ICE coffee, flavored of course. However the nice warm HOT cup of coffee that so much of Americans enjoy on a daily basis I just can not get my taste buds to enjoy.
There are some I can tolerate and even finish but not loving it thus far. HOWEVER I do think I enjoy creamers, and why would I not fall in love with the fattiest part of coffee. Honestly the day I thought I had really found my favorite coffee I realized I had added creamer twice. So basically I drank half a cup of coffee with half a cup of creamer.

So here I sit trying yet another drop of flavored creamer that I bought yesterday in my coffee. So far its just okay at best. If I added a drop of coffee in my creamer I am sure I would be in love. I guess coffee is just NOT going to be for me. I guess I better find another beverage of choice to get me through my day. Hey its five o'clock somewhere........... Kidding................ =)

Friday, October 19, 2012

Daddy moments.....



I am always home in the mornings to get the boys off to school. I am the one to choose the youngest boys clothes right down to the matching socks. I have always been one to want everything to match. I have certain things I just think go together and other things that do not stand a chance. Josh is the exact opposite of me. As long as they have clothes on he really does not care about any more details then that. Clearly I found out today he does not even notice if its not their own clothes that they are wearing......

I left early this morning, before leaving I laid the boys clothes out. One on the recliner and the other on the love seat. Perhaps labeling whose was whose would of been a great idea. Of course who in their right mind would of thought that. Laying them out was my way of avoiding Josh telling Mason to go get dressed for school and Mason coming out in the craziest non matching outfit he could find.

Josh dropped the boys off to me where I was. Mason had exactly 2 minutes to get in the car with my mom to go to school. He stepped out of Josh's car and I had to blink and rub my eyes TWICE to see if I was looking correctly. I WAS ... Mason was wearing Williams clothes. So my almost size 6 first grader was crammed into his little brothers 3t Jeans and shirt. I was mortified. I had No time to go back home to find the correct clothes, Mason needed to be at school and I had to finish what I was doing. When I asked Josh how he made such a mistake he simply said, you said Mason's clothes were in the recliner? These were the clothes in the recliner????? YEP you guessed it William was wearing Mason's hoodie and shirt...........not jeans though. His father saw him in those and could not even begin to imagine why I had laid him out Jeans 2 sizes to big for him. RIGHT .. those were for Mason. YES I admit the moment I was done my prior commitment I went to the school, new matching clothes in hand and had Mason change. HAPPY FRIDAY

Friday, October 12, 2012

Looking back.... and ahead



Josh and I decided to take the kids to Moose Head Lake on Saturday. It is about a 6 hour round trip car ride for us. We decided to do it all in one day. Josh's grandfather owns a camp up that way and Josh has always wanted to show the boys. Josh's grandfather passed away when Mason was a baby and William although never had the honor to meet him carries on his name.

So we got up early loaded the car and ventured off on our long journey. As we arrived closer to our destination I thought about the last time I took the drive this way. It was over 7 years earlier for Josh and My honeymoon. I glanced in the back seat at the three kids arguing in the back and realized just how different our lives were today then they were when our own personal journey had begun what seemed like forever ago.

We spent the day (when not in the car) going to different places that were special to Josh. The boys really seemed to enjoy seeing the camp and going through a few stores. They seemed to enjoy fighting, and taking turns on who could whine the most in the car as well.

For me it was a day of reflection and memories. When Josh and I took the drive all those years before. We were alone in the car. We only had one child at home. We had only been married for 24 hours or less. We were pretty sure we had our future figured out and planned. We talked about what we would name our babies and all the other fun things the future held for us. We have def. had a great 7.5 years, however looking back it is interesting to me that we did not see the problems, struggles, or heartache that may lie ahead for us. We have built a family along the way as well as turned our house into a home. We have learned more about love, and sadly we have learned more about loss. I would like to say Looking back I would not change a thing, but I have never been one for that expression. Of course there are things I would change, or avoid. Words I would think longer and harder about before saying. I would strive to be a better wife and mother. However we can not go back, only ahead.

As I held the same hand tightly that I had held on the very same drive 7.5 years before I realized that if we were to take this same drive in another 7 years I would be having the same thoughts. I will have learned more about love and loss by then. I will have overcome more struggles. I would and will have enjoyed many many happy moments. I think the only thing I can do is live in the present, remember the past, and hope for the best future ever. In the end, none of us really know what is out there for us. No one really knows how our story will go, or how it will end.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

My Mason

From

October


October brings on so many changes for our house hold. The weather starts to get colder and the winter clothes start to slowly enter the closet until that is all that is left in there. The chilly night air often requires the wood stove one or two nights a week. One if Josh has his way. He hates to have to give in and finally light the stove. It is actually amusing.

The kids start to settle into a school routine and back to school slowly becomes the new norm for us.

October this year means in less then two months my baby boy will be 4. Looking back I can barely believe it. It means Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far off.

It means another cold Maine winter is heading our way, which I def. have a love hate relationship with.

I guess ready or not FALL is here.


I do love that it means, pumpkins, apples, and gorgeous foliage. I love that it means curling up in front of the woods stove together and having movie night.

Another season and another change is amongst us. I guess we should just embrace it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

SUPER MOM FAIL

I would like to tell you that I am up before the alarm goes off with coffee in hand and breakfast on the stove. I would like to tell you I have made all the lunches the night before and have ironed all the kids clothes and they are laying nicely in each of their rooms to put on that morning........... YEAH RIGHT....... Here is my morning.. alarm goes off at five thirty ..... I hit snooze.....TWICE. Then slowly drag myself down the hall to make sure DYLAN is up. He usually is not. He falls into the shower.. needs to be reminded 3 times to hurry up...... Then comes out half awake, half dressed and bag half packed. I can barely tell what he has on since my eyes are not fully open yet. I hand him a pop tart (not always toasted) and a cup of water, LUNCH money for the lunch I NEVER packed last night. I pat him on the back and say have a great day. I then fall asleep on the couch for another 20 minutes until I have to wake Mason up and start the same process over again. SUPER MOM I AM NOT. =-)

Thursday, August 30, 2012

It is that time of year again.

Starting a new school year . I know this brings so many mixed emotions to all mothers every where. I am usually a basket case and just cry and cry and feel old, and think about all their mile stones through out the years all day long. HOWEVER this year was a little different. Mason and Dylan decided to spend their very last week of Summer vacation completely at each others throats. Fighting, yelling, whining, crying. They helped me adapt to them going back to school yesterday much easier. However, The day got off to a rocky start yesterday when Dylan's bus came 30 minutes earlier then scheduled, so we waited not knowing we missed the bus due to all the other kids on the road also being out there waiting. So Finally I decided to bring him to school by this time he was late. So I worried myself sick over him all day long. Come to find out he had a great day and LOVES middle school. Let's hope he says that a week from now. After bringing Dylan late. I rushed up here to get Mason on the bus. His bus was right on time. He climbed on and never looked back. <-- that is when my broken heart started. I missed him already walking back up the long lonely hill to our house. He did not need me any more. I mean isn't that pretty much what he said when he climbed on the bus and NEVER looked back. I puttered around the house HAVING TWO boys at school and only one home. The house felt empty. I tried busying myself but then started looking at baby pictures and listening to sad music, all the stuff. I had told myself two days pryer would NOT be happening this year since I could NOT wait to send these two children who could not stop yelling and fighting back to school. I was wrong. It was 9am and I missed them terribly. I kept trying to figure out where at school they were at this time, and if Mason was happy. I kept hoping Dylan was not lost. There was one point when I almost would of welcomed hearing them fight........ THEN....I heard a crash. All the dvds I had recently sorted to start going through things to clean out were in the middle of the floor. The whole bin was upside down. The couch cushions were on the floor and the DOG was being held captive in the bin that had previously held the dvds. There was ONE very busy, very cute, yet terribly naughty three year old sitting on top of the bin. I shook my head, was brought back fast to reality and realized, I probably was NOT going to be sad and lonely this whole school year. Not if this 3 year old has anything to say about it. The boys both had great days. I was thrilled to see them at the end of the day. By 4pm yesterday we were all back under one roof. William was off getting into something and Mason and Dylan were fighting over the Tv. Welcome home boys..... I missed you !!!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The bond of brothers

From Drop Box
Having these two close in age can be a blessing many days. They share a bond that I hope they treasure for a lifetime. They share laughter, tears, memories and time outs. They can watch a movie together and we can hear them laughing from the bedroom. They can fight and make up in minutes. In an unfamiliar situation Mason is always there with his hand on Williams back leading him around. I am not sure if he does this for Will's security or his own but it melts my heart. Please do not get me wrong they get in many tiffs as brothers do. However at the end of the day. They are the best of friends.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Changes...........

Changes happen all the time. They are apart of life.  Some of them are major like moving across the country or the birth of a child. Others are small and subtle like changing plans due the weather. However small or large they maybe they are all around us.  I for one have always had a hard time with change. 

 Last year at this time I found myself looking for a change. Feeling that I needed one in order to find happiness. I ended up taking a part time job after being home for 6  years. I loved my job and made friends that I hope will last a lifetime.  I do not regret for a second going back to work the last year. However, I find myself sitting here almost exactly a year later realizing that sometimes we NEED change .Change can teach us things, help us grow and sometimes make us realize exactly where we need to be.   As I looked around at the boys the other day it hit me. Dylan is starting junior  high. Mason is starting first grade. William has ONE year left before he is able to start Pre K.  I longed for my life the year before when at home was my full time job. Caring for these boys and our home was what I did 24 hours a day. To some that may seem simple and boring to me it's my world. It's what I long to do and love to do. I decided after some great thought to go back to doing just that for the next couple of years.  I gave my notice. The girls were wonderful. They let me know how much they would miss me and I will miss them as much. They all understood though I have no doubt.  

So a week from today I will be going back to exactly where I was a year ago. Just being a mom and wife. Something I took for granted and did not even stop and realize how wonderful it is that I have the ability to make that decision due to having a hard working husband who just wants to me to do whatever makes me the happiest. 

 So in conclusion, I guess what I am saying is sometimes change is what we need. It can help us learn and grow and sometimes teach us who we really are.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Milestones

I am use to milestones with the boys. I still find them hard and have the half teared up half proud momma moment, HOWEVER Dylan graduating from 6th grade and moving on top middle school hit me like a ton of bricks. I bawled my eyes out that day. Listening to  Rascall Flats music over and over again as I sat at my computer on you tube bawling like a baby. For me that was such a  big step. It is entering junior high. Where I think the age of innocence is lost.  I miss the baby days, or the the toddler years where he still thought I was the best person in the world.... Now most days he rolls his eyes at me at least once and storms off at least twice.  Dylan is still naive in many many ways. I worry about him as he makes the journey from boy to teen..... I hope he does not give in to peer pressure. I hope he stands his ground and remembers his morals. I hope he still comes to us when something is wrong and I hope he always remember his faith.  Dylan has always wanted to make everyone happy and hates conflict. I hope he still keeps some of those traits with out being walked all over or bullied. I hope he keeps his head held high but his feet planted FIRM.........

Thursday, May 24, 2012

NUNEY FAIRY FAIL

 We all have things we do in the walls of our house that we would NEVER admit to anyone happens.  The melt downs from you kids or YOURSELF. The Sock mop.. We all have done that... =-) The giving your kid whatever he/she wants for breakfast just because you do not want the previously mentioned melt down.  The little lies that we tell our kids.....

  Well since Will is three I have decided for the last year that the pacifier at night (AKA NUNEY) needed to be a thing of the past. I have tried and failed epically several times. Well I geared myself up for yet another get rid of the thing plan.   Josh was away fishing and I figured  PERFECT if he screams and cries through the night then No worries I will put him in bed with me so the boys do not hear him.
We set up the nuney on the back porch with a note he put together by himself with help from big brother on the writing part.
DEAR NUNEY FAIRY

  You can take my nuney. DO NOT give it to a baby.
You can leave me money to buy a new toy.

                                                  WILLIAM

So the note went on the back porch with the nuney.  I even remembered to get up out of bed and do the middle of the night exchange. He woke the next morning excited that he was left money. We bought a present that day. The next night was harder ... he was not as enthusiastic with out the thought of something being left on the porch for him. There was MUCH more crying and whining that night. Finally we had made it through 2 nights and I thought we were on the other side of the withdrawals.

 Josh arrived home from his fishing trip. He brought the boys presents and they were so excited to see him. I went out to grab a few groceries and have a moment to myself.  Feeling like I forgot something this whole time. Cell phone??  CHECK!  GROCERY LIST ..... CHECK!!

 I got back home the boys were sleeping. I checked in on them as I always do. THEN I see it. There is Will curled up in bed sound asleep with a NUNEY in his MOUTH.  I went out and asked Josh about it. He said Oh you are lucky after searching the house for ever I found his missing nuney under our bed. WHAT? I told him that with him being gone clearly I failed to mention the nuney fairy to him not to mention the 10$ The kid had suckered out of me.  Will had failed to mention it to his father as well. IRONIC.
 When Will awoke the next morning I informed him that I was not happy with him and that he should of told Daddy that we had no more nuneys and that the nuney fairy had already left him money for that nice nerf gun we had bought.  That was about all I had time to say at that point. I packed the boys for the day.  I stepped out on the porch to let the dog out later that morning and in the same spot we had left the nuney and the NOTE to the fairy was the nerf gun............................ SIGH********

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Where is his mother???


From Drop Box


I sometimes wonder how the kids get a way with so much wrong doing and mischievous things when I find myself over all pretty capable of keeping a good eye on them. Well Will had one of those moments Monday after we picked the boys up from school. The best part, he did this in Mason's room, then Dylan took him out back to play and it was not until I went out to check on him a few minutes later that I even noticed this. What also makes me laugh is that the craziness in our house must be so natural that Dylan took him outside and did not even say HEY WILLIAM STAMPED HIS ENTIRE BODY.   I took Will aside deciding this is probably a teaching moment in his life and explained to him that we do not stamp out body. He then explained to me that I have a butterfly "stamp" on my back.. EEK I just ended the conversation there and changed the subject...............

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

After over a month of trying it finally HAPPENED

and NO I am not pregnant. I finally was able to get back into this blog. Forever they were saying they sent me a recovery to my email and they did not. Finally I signed up with my cell phone and well HERE I AM =-)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The months in between.............

I have come to love the months in between. That means the boys play sports most of the year and the months in between have become my favorite time. I LOVE watching the boys play sports, However sometimes it is nice to have a month off where we are not running 4 times a week to a practice or game.
March is that months for me. Basketball is over and since we are in MAINE and the snow decided to bury us in March, Baseball will not start up for at least 6 weeks. We can come home at night and have supper as a family. There is NO HURRY HURRY EAT EAT!!! WHERE IS YOUR UNIFORM??? MOM WHERE ARE MY SNEAKERS ..... ECT. Its so much calmer in my house. I am not sure what we will be doing however when William is old enough to play in two years? Three kids playing sports in three different age groups. YIKES =-)
So for the Month of March I am going to forget that we have too much snow, Forget it is too cold, and just ENJOY the MONTHS in between...........

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Time to set some goals......

We are almost in February ... tomorrow actually. I look back and can not even figure out where 2011 went. It seems a blur looking back. I really am trying to set goals for 2012 that idea always seemed foolish tome. perhaps because I did not want to take the time and follow through with them.....
I want to sit here a year from now and be VERY happy with where me and my little family are in life. Not that I am not happy now, but I do see room for improvement.........
I know life is going to fly by no matter how hard to we try to slow it down. However .. taking time to stop... set goals, be happy and LIVE is a def. something 2012 has in store for us. More family time.