Heavy hearts

I told myself that we were going to have a great 2013 and everyone always likes to throw out there that "life is what we make of it" Well this is not always a true statement some curve balls life throws at us are so beyond our control that it send us spriraling down hill fast with nothing to hold on to. We had a curve ball thrown at us this past week. Our life time friend and my husbands best friend forever died. Very unexpectingly as you can imagine. Our world stopped last week. Time stood still. Nothing made sense. It took a day or so for it to even sink in that this was not some sick cruel joke that this was true. Our friend was gone. His family was suffering, our hearts were broken and there was nothing I could do to make it better right now. Nothing seemed right anymore. The world seemed like such a harsh unfair place to be. Someone we love dearly can be with us one day and gone the next with no warning and no goodbye. We went through the motions of living over the last week. We were there to support his family. Their hearts also very heavy and their grief sickened faces were heart wrenching. After the funeral I lay in bed thinking so this is it? Traditionally speaking we have said our goodbyes? NOW what?
I am now thinking about all our times together and all our little get togethers that were full of fun and teasing. The pranks, the jokes, the love. It's over?? Our little get togethers would never be the same. Their will always be sadness in the air. Always be a void that can never be filled. Their will always be that empty chair. Their will always be an empty place in our hearts.
So where to we go from I hear I ask myself? For someone that always likes to fix things and have all the answers right now I am at a loss for words. I have no idea where to go from here and I certainly know that this can not be "fixed"
As I watched the 4 year old son he left behind run around yesterday. Not fully understanding the situation. My heart ached that this little boy will never get to have his father in life again. I can only hope and pray that he will always be reminded of what a wondeful, loving, caring, and amazing father he had. I know a part of him will live in him forever. For a part of him will live in us all.

New Year............New Beginings?? I hope so...

I have seen tons of things today about people with goals for the new year. I myself have made lots of "resolutions" in the past only to fail and feel like a bigger failure then when I started the year.

This year I am going at it with a different approach. My thoughts for 2013. To live a happier life. To be happy one the inside and out. This can mean so many different things to me. However I am not even going there with myself. I am simply saying. I personally want to be a happier, healthier person. Worry less, laugh more, Worry less, be more paitent, Worry less, feel better about myself. worry less. Yeah we both get it. =)

I guess in a lot of ways a new year can be a new begining. A new way of life if that is what you choose. I can look back at 2012 with MIXED emotions. I learned some things about myself and others around me this year. 2012 brought me much laughter, and unfortunately brought me many tears as the realization of the world hit me. My safe bubble popped years ago and since then every year brings me new reminders that the world can be a as heart wrenching as it can wonderful. It just depends on the day and the situations.